Love? Really?

It was one of those days when there's nothing to do except flip through TV channels. Wait, my mistake, I mean surf TV channels. So while I was surfing, glimpses of various movies and soaps caught my eye.

I noticed that we've come a long way from the flower-kissing, birds-pecking intimate scenes, yet one thing remains the same. Girls and boys, men and women STILL apparently fall in love simply by looking at a person of their preferred gender.

Does that really happen? Can one actually fall in love by just watching someone for a few days, by sharing a few smiles and stolen glances?

Think about it. What exactly have you come to love about the person in those few moments? The way he/she looks? The way he/she smiles? The way he/she dresses? Walks? For simplicity, let's say you find the person physically appealing.

What else can you love about a person by watching them? Maybe the fact that they are watching you back gives you an ego boost and so you love "how the person makes you feel." You love that the person make you feel attractive.

Anything else you can put down on the list of what you love about your prospective mate? I wouldn't be surprised if the list ends sooner than you'd hoped. 

The eternal debate about whether cinema apes life or life is influenced by cinema stands valid here, too. I'm not sure whether movies and TV serials show people falling in love at first (or third or fifth) sight because people everywhere believe in it or whether people believe it because they see it everywhere on mass media.

Whatever be the root cause, the assumption that all it takes is a tingly feeling to make love last is not doing us any good. Look around you. Relationships are breaking, divorces are rampant, unhappy couples are everywhere.

Why? People say we have become less tolerant. Sure, we have. We've become impatient. True. 

But what's also happened is that our real selves and our beliefs about what love is haven't kept pace with each other. Our expectations from a relationship have gone up, our awareness about what we want has improved, even our assertiveness for getting what we want is at its peak. Yet, somewhere, we have failed to let go of the romantic notion that love is all about the heart thumping loud. We refuse to accept that loving someone also needs the mind to resonate with what the heart is shouting out loud.  

Because love…by its very nature…is not transient. Love stays. You cannot love someone one day and get so mad at them the next day that you throw acid at them or chop them up into little pieces. 

I'm not saying that physical attraction or short-term relationships are a farce. They

are heady, fulfilling and beautiful until they last. But please stop calling them love! 

Love doesn't begin a relationship. The relationship leads up to love. 

Love takes time. Love takes effort. Love takes going through the horrible phase of endless fights when you realise that there are actual facets to the other person's personality that you weren't aware of and maybe are not completely in sync with. Love needs for you to go through the emotional upheaval that comes when the relationship gets past the honeymoon stage and you learn there is so much more that you need to invest of yourself.

Until you and your relationship get a chance to grow, love cannot exist. And when love happens, it's often not with a bang, but with a sweet, honey-like feeling that oozes inside you. And you just know that you're okay.

Don't be afraid that because you or your partner don't call each other 10 times a day or shower each other with kisses at every possible moment, the relationship is coming to an end. It might just mean that there is no longer any hurry. There is no fear of now or never. You love each other so much that you are a constant in each other's life. 

Love is not about possessing or chasing or wanting or demanding. Love just is.